For Bennett's 4th Birthday my amazing Mother had this song written for me. I decided to try my hand at a little movie making. The song is meant to come from me to Bennett. It was so healing to go through all his photos and find the right ones I wanted for each part. Thank you Mom for such an amazing gift!
The song is meant to say that the journey through grief is a series of just that, Baby Steps. Healing doesn't happen overnight, that there are days some of those steps just happen to move backward instead of forward. One of those Baby Steps for me is to finish writing Bennett's story. It is hard to put words to some of my most painful, tender and beautiful memories. I am looking forward to the healing I know is in store for me.
The amazing young woman of God, Rebecca Chase, who wrote this song said something in her blog about the song that touched me. She said "I find that there are small traces of joy that had sprouted after a life 'storm' had passed". This reminded me that there is so much joy that sprouted in my life from Bennett. Yes, losing my son, carrying him knowing that my time with him would be limited, that was a storm but there is just so much joy that came from that storm. There are so many rainbows that continue to bring beauty to my life. I am continually grateful that the Lord called me to surrender the very desire of my heart to him, to lay my son on the altar, so that through him, through this storm in my life, God's unconditional love and his promise of restoration would be evident to so many. I look forward to whatever time I have left in this life, so that I can continue to watch the joy from this storm in my life grow.
It makes me think of the Gungor song, 'Beautiful Things', which has become my mantra during this season of healing in my life. I am reminded that God continues to make beautiful things out of my pain, out of what I feel is lost, out of ground I feel is dry. I cannot wait to begin this part of my journey through the grief of losing my son, to embrace the freedom that comes with the acceptance of Bennett's life and of who I am because he lived.
Gungor- Beautiful Things (lyric video)
