A Picture Says A Thousand Words

Tonight I uploaded tons of pictures I have of Bennett to my Facebook. I was surprised when a sudden sense of anxiety caught me. I realized that it had been a very long time since I had shared those photos with anyone. It hurt me for a moment that I had been keeping so many of Bennett's pictures to myself because, in reality, I was afraid to share them. I was and still am so protective of him, of his memory. It is hard to be vulnerable and for me sharing so many of Bennett's photos is just that. Not because I don't think they are beautiful, but because of what they say to me. I see them and know that in some he was yawning because it was getting close to the end and he was having trouble getting enough oxygen. I see him and his special circumstance is a little more obvious in some than others. I can see the undertone of sorrow in some of them. In some ways I want to protect him, protect his image. On the other hand he is so beautiful to me, every picture an instant memory of that moment in time, I want to share every bit of it. I feel so grateful I am finallly at a place that I can openly and proudly share my son. Some people may look and feel that he looks "different", and guess what, he does. He is different, he is unique. He is an incredible miracle, a wonderful creation of God, beautifully handcrafted by the savior for his own purpose. Thank you Bennett for reminding me that life is beautiful, that God knew us before he even formed us, and he formed us according to his plan! I am so blessed and thank God every day he formed me to carry you and that being your Mommy was his plan for me!