Happy Third Birthday Benny!

Today I get the honor of celebrating my son's third birthday. Sometimes it's hard that I don't get to go buy him presents or invite his little friends to a party. Instead I get the immense privilege of celebrating the gift he gave to me, his life and love. I am still so floored when I celebrate Bennett's life, amazed at how much one small baby can touch so many. It's hard to believe that it has been three whole years! I often wonder what he would be like if he were still here. How much those chubby hands and cheeks would have changed. I get a laugh when I think about how bow legged and pigeoned-toed the poor kid was, I am fairly certain braces would have been in order. Would he still softly sigh in his sleep and make those small little snores as his breath goes in and out? I know that heaven is so much more beautiful than anything I could have ever given him here on Earth, but the truth stands that it doesn't really make it too much easier to not have him here. I don't get to to walk into his room on his birthday and wake him up with a birthday song, instead I walk into a room full of his memories, where his scrapbooks and pictures fill the walls and bookshelves. I get to watch what small amount of video we have of his time here on Earth, the joy of seeing his little face again wrapped in the sorrow that it will forever be back in that moment of time. I still get to plan a party! Tonight we will have cupcakes, go to a baseball game and release balloons. I get to plan two parties!! Tomorrow we will eat more cupcakes and release more balloons, celebrating Bennett's three year heavenly birthday! I have a feeling that there are plenty of tears to come, but this morning I smile, and fill myself with the promise that I will get to be with my son again, and that the time I spend here on Earth is but a small blip in what eternity will be in heaven. There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called Heaven is the Face, hopefully I can share the link, but it so perfectly encompasses how I feel. I know that Heaven is going to be more than I can ever imagine, but for me, in my human mind, heaven is the face of my baby son. Heaven is Bennett's strong hands around my fingers and his smile when I touch his cheeks. Heaven is his warmth in my arms and his soft sighs in my ear. I am so thankful for the time I was given with my son. I miss him everyday, but I know he enjoying heaven so much! Bennett, thank you for your life, thank you for your love. Thank you for making me the person I am today. I love you my Baby B, you are always so close to me in my heart! Sing to Jesus for me! I can't wait to see you again and hold your hand as you introduce me to my savior! Happy third birthday Benny! Mommy loves you so so much!!!!

http://youtu.be/-3Mj6iOG1xM